Heroes: Phone Tag!
by LyraLockhart
Summary: Sylar was bored. And, as we all know, there is nothing more dangerous than a bored psychopath." How does Sylar fight his boredom? Phone Tag, of course! Better than it sounds.
1. The Beginning

Okay, this fic was inspired by _A Deadly Game Of Phone Tag,_ by TwilightsCalling. I've just adapted it for the Heroes-verse.

* * *

**_Heroes Phone Tag_**

**Chapter 1**

Sylar was bored. And, as we all know, there is nothing more dangerous than a bored psychopath.

_What to do, _thought the psychopath. _What to do...?_ Suddenly, a brilliant idea struck him…

H H H H

Mohinder Suresh was at a Company facility, studying his ever-so-important research, when a small, conspicuous package came flying through his inexplicably open window. Mohinder yelped in fear, and ran to Bob's office.

"I was studying my ever-so-important research, when a small, conspicuous package came flying through my inexplicably open window!"

"What was it?"

"I…don't know. I ran out before I could see what it was."

"Fine, I'll go check, but just to prove to you that there's nothing to be afraid of."

When they entered the room, they saw a small, conspicuous package lying on the floor. They studied it very carefully, and found that it was a small black box. Suddenly, the box made a noise:

_The Love Shack is a little old place where _

_We can get together_

_Love shack baby_

Mohinder jumped and fled from the room. Bob opened the box, and found a cellphone inside. He answered it. "Hello?"

"Is this Mohinder Suresh?"

"No, this is his employer; how may I help you?"

"Oh. I was hoping to get Mohinder, but I suppose you're just as good."

"What do you—"

"PHONE TAG! YOU'RE IT!"

Sylar hung up. Bob was confused. "Well, that was strange…I like pie…these multiple period things are very handy…"

* * *

So, let me know what you think! I hope you enjoyed it!

* * *


	2. Peter

Disclaimer: I own nothing. I don't own Heroes, Bananaphone, The Cuppycak Song, or the idea for this fic. Don't sue me. Especially don't Mary-Sue me; those things are _dangerous_. If you want to read the story that inspired this one, it's _A Deadly Game Of Phone Tag,_ by TwilightsCalling.

* * *

**Chapter 2**

Sylar wondered who he should call next. Then he saw something on the TV that caused brilliant idea number two to appear…

H H H H

Peter Petrelli was doing nothing worth specifying when something landed on his head. After reflexively firing off a few bolts of electricity, he stopped to look at the package, which turned out to be a small black box. Suddenly, music started to play from inside the black box:

_Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring_

_Bananaphone!_

_Boop boop ba doop ba doop_

_Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring_

_Bananaphone!_

Peter unwrapped the package, and discovered a cellphone inside. He answered it. "Hello?"

"Hello, is this Mrs. Goldenbreyer? I'm calling about your dead puppy…"

"What?"

"I'm so sorry for your loss…"

"What are you talking about?"

"PHONE TAG! YOU'RE IT!"

"I'm confused…why is Sylar suddenly more interested in playing Phone Tag than he is in murdering people?"

**Because this is my story, and Sylar shall do what I tell him to when I'm writing about him…speaking of Sylar, let's see what he's doing now:**

Sylar had his iPod earphones in, and was singing along with the song he was listening to.

_You're my Honeybunch, Sugarplum_

_Pumpy-umpy-umpkin, You're my Sweetie Pie_

_You're my Cuppycake, Gumdrop_

_Snoogums-Boogums, You're the Apple of my Eye_

_And I love you so and I want you to know_

_That I'll always be right here_

_And I love to sing sweet songs to you_

Because you are so dear

**Well, that was mildly disturbing. But, I think you see my point.**

"Yes indeed."

* * *

Review if you liked, but no flames, please. Oh, and thanks to my collaborator in this chapter, Bobness.


	3. Mohinder

Disclaimer: Still don't own Heroes, Love Shack, or the "Grammar Fairy" song (which belongs to hayleyghoover, over on YouTube. You should definitely check out her videos, if you can). Please, please, _please_ don't throw me to the 'Sues!

* * *

**Chapter 3**

Mohinder was, for once, not doing his ever-so-important research, but was instead staring at the cellphone Sylar had sent him. Suddenly, there was a loud, obnoxious sound, which caused Mohinder to jump out of his seat:

_The Love Shack is a little old place where _

_We can get together_

_Love shack baby_

Mohinder wanted to let it ring, but he couldn't help himself. He answered it, saying, "What do you want with me, Sylar!"

"I just want to tell you something very important…something that could endanger the world as we know it."

"What is it?" asked Mohinder eagerly. "Tell me, tell me, tell me!"

"Are you sure you want to know?"

"Yes!"

"Are you absolutely, positively positive you want to know?"

"YES! What is it?!"

"All right, here it is..."PHONE TAG! YOU'RE IT!" And then he hung up.

"What? Oh, crud monkeys. He tricked me."

**Well, it's not like it hasn't happened before.**

"That's true, very true."

Mohinder tried to work on his ever-so-important research again, but it was only a few minutes before the dreaded sound began again.

_The Love Shack is a little old place where _

_We can get together_

_Love shack baby_

Mohinder slowly picked up the phone, preparing himself for whatever Sylar was going to do now.

However, the caller id read "Super Emo", which definitely wasn't Sylar. Mohinder hit the answer button and said, "Hello?"

"Hello? Who is this?"

"Who are you?"

"Um…my name is Peter Petrelli."

"Peter! It's Mohinder!"

"Really? Because you're listed as "Professor Snorefest" in my caller id."

"Oh. Let me guess; Sylar sent you a phone, too."

"Oh, it was Sylar. Well, that explains alot."

**Whoa! Hold up, there, Petrelli! _"A Lot" has always been / A lot of words / I don't know which one of you thought that / The two of them should merge / But, "A" is talking quantity / And L-O-T's a noun / And there's always been a space between / No matter how it sounds_.**

"Um…okay. That explains _a lot_."

**Much better. Carry on.**

"So…Sylar's trying to play _phone tag_?"

"It would seem that way. Bee-Tee-Double-U, what am I listed as in your caller id?"

"Um…'Super Emo'."

Peter gasped. "That fiend! We have to get back at him."

"Agreed."

* * *

Review if you liked.


	4. Noah

Disclaimer: Let's see...TV shows I don't own: Heroes. Songs I don't own: Love Shack, Bananaphone, You Can't Stop The Beat, I Am The Walrus, and the music from Chariots of Fire. (Due to spoilers, disclaimer will be continued at the end of the chapter.)

Big bunches of multi-fandom love to my readers and reviewers. I was going to hold off on this chapter until I had chapter five written, but you guys sounded so excited in your reviews, I just had to post this chapter. It's a tad longer than the chapters before it, but that just means there's more phone tagging goodness to enjoy!

Okay, enough of me, let's see what our Heroes are doing!

* * *

**Chapter 4**

Noah Bennet was sitting in his cell, pondering the word pondering, when a small black box came flying through the window, knocking his glasses off. As he was frantically searching the cell for the aforementioned glasses, a noise began to play, which was apparently coming from the aforementioned black box.

_You can't stop an avalanche_

_As it races down the hill_

_You could try to stop the seasons, girl_

_But you know you never will_

After Noah had spent several unsuccessful minutes looking for his glasses so he could answer the phone, Elle came through the door to see what the ruckus was.

"I came to see what the ruckus was. So, what's the ruckus?"

"Something came flying through the window—"

"What window? There's no window in here."

**Oh. Crap, that's right. Um…**

At this point, Elle had her hands glowing with glowy blue glow…ness. "Who's typing in the bold letters?!" she said to the ceiling.

**Um…that would be me.**

"And you are…?"

**Me? I…I…_I am the walrus! Goo goo g'joob!_**

"What does that even mean?"

"Um…Elle? Little help here?" said Noah, still searching for his glasses.

"Oh, right, sorry."

H H H H

"C'mon, Bennet, pick up!" said Sylar. He was starting to get very annoyed at this point. There were so many other people he could be pranking right now.

H H H H

After about five minutes of searching, and listening to the catchy Hairspray ringtone, Noah sighed in frustration.

"Ugh! We're never gonna find my glasses!"

"Oh, is that what we were looking for? They're on the table."

Noah resisted the urge to smack Elle on her bad arm, and put on his glasses. He then turned to the cellphone, which was still ringing for some reason, and answered it. "Hello?"

"Hello, is Mr. Bartlett there?" came a voice with a British accent. "We have his order of personalized M & M's that say…" the voice cleared its throat, then said, with no accent "'PHONE TAG! YOU'RE IT!'" And then there was silence.

"Who was it?" asked Elle.

"It was Sylar, prank calling me."

"WHAT?!"

"Um…which part is that directed towards; Sylar, or the prank calling?"

Elle made a frustrated noise, and ran out of the cell, leaving the door open behind her.

Noah stared at the open door for a few minutes, then dashed out into the hallway, screaming, "I'm freeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

H H H H

Elle ran upstairs to her father's office.

"Daddy, we have a problem; Sylar's prank calling everybody." It was then that Elle noticed the other two people in the room; Mohinder Suresh, and…

"_Peter_!" gasped Elle.

"Uh-oh."

Elle began to run, in slow motion, towards Peter. Peter tried to duck out of the way, also in slow motion. The music from _Chariots of Fire_ began to play in the background.

Mohinder looked at Bob, and said, in normal speed, "So many questions…but I think I'll start with: why are they moving in slow motion, and we're not? And where is that strangely familiar music coming from?" Bob shrugged in response, and they turned back to the scene in front of them, which had now escalated to Elle firing slo-mo bolts of glowy blue glowness at Peter.

Suddenly, an annoying noise began, which almost drowned out the background music:

_Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring_

_Bananaphone!_

"Peter, it's for you!"

Peter pushed Elle into a wall with telekinesis, then, finally breaking out of slo-mo, ran over to answer his phone. "Hello?"

"Hello, is this Peter Petrelli?"

"Yes."

"Well, you are now the victim of a prank call. Please wait until you hear the tag before you hang up, or we will be forced to call again."

"Um…okay."

The voice on the other end cleared its throat, but before it could speak, Mohinder snatched the phone out of Peter's hand and screamed, "PHONE TAG, YOU'RE IT!", then hung up.

"Well, I got him, didn't I?" said Mohinder, grinning.

"Um…that…wasn't Sylar."

"It wasn't?"

"No. Are you kidding me? That was a woman."

"Oh. But…if that wasn't Sylar, the who was it?"

Peter shrugged, then ducked out of the way, as Elle (_still _in slow motion) came after him with a flying tackle. Unfortunately for her, Peter's well-timed dodge, and the force of her jump, propelled her (in slow motion) out of the window.

H H H H

Meanwhile, there was an upset going on at CFPTHQ (Completely Fake Phone Tagging Head Quarters), due to Mohinder's tagging one of their Taggers.

"We must have revenge! Nobody tags the CFPTs (Completely Fake Phone Taggers)! Nobody!" said Tag Phoneson, head Tagger of CFPT Inc.

"Yeah, whatever," said Miss Bored Andcouldcareless, Vice President and, incidentally, the only person at CFPT who can play the ukulele.

"Who was it that tagged us?" said Tag to Bored.

Miss Andcouldcareless consulted the papers on her clipboard, then said, "The records say that it was Peter Petrelli who was supposed to be tagged, but our Tagger says that it was someone else on his end that committed the backtag."

"Then we must find this Peter Petrelli, and have him tell us who it was. Nobody tags the CFPTs!"

* * *

Disclaimer (cont'd): I do, however, own CFPT Inc., and all of its Taggers. And, I think that just about covers it. See You next chapter!


	5. Crayons

Disclaimer contains spoilers; has been moved to end of chapter.

Sorry the update took so long! Review replies are at the end of the chapter.

--

**Chapter 5**

It was the night after the events of Chapter 4. Sylar couldn't sleep, so he was watching a movie. Suddenly, the pure genius of the film caused another brilliant idea to appear…

H H H H

_Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring_

_Bananaphone!_

Peter, being half-asleep, hit the answer button without thinking. "Hello?"

"'Wake up, Franklin! You're going to New Brunswick!'"

"What?"

"I said, 'Wake up, Franklin! You're going to New Brunswick!'"

"Oh. Well, if that's all…" and Sylar promptly heard snores from Peter's end of the conversation.

"You know what?" he said, "I'm just going to try this prank again, when you're awake enough to appreciate it. Good night, Peter."

"'Night, Mr. Adams."

H H H H

**6 a. m., next morning.**

_Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring_

_Bananaphone!_

Peter cautiously picked up the phone and answered it. "Hello?"

"'Wake up, Franklin! You're going to New Brunswick!'"

"Um…uh…what?"

"'Wake up, Franklin! You're going to New Brunswick!'"

"Oh. Let me guess: PHONE TAG! I'M IT!"

"Exactly. Goodbye, Super Emo."

"_DON'T CALL ME EMO!!_" YELLED PETER INTO THE PHONE. **UGH! I HATE WHEN THE STUPID CAPS LOCK STICKS. **

_**WE ARE EXPERIENCING TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES. PLEASE STAND BY.**_

**Okay, we're back to normal. Sorry about that.**

H H H H

Peter stepped outside, and was about to go report Sylar's latest phone tag to Bob (who had created another branch of the Company, and hired a dozen more people, specifically for that purpose (the man needs a life)), when he found himself surrounded by ninjas--

"Ninjas?"

**Yes, ninjas. **

"I don't see any ninjas." And the street was, in fact, devoid of ninjas.

**What? Oh. Cue ninjas. …Cue ninjas. …Cue the stupid ninjas already! … Thank you!**

"Oh, you mean _those_ ninjas…"

**Yes, _those_ ninjas.**

--and they promptly attempted to tackle him.

"Uh-oh."

He managed to use telekinesis to keep them at bay long enough for him to fly away. As he flew, he wondered, "What are ninjas doing in New York City, in the 21st century?"

**You'll see.**

"Oh. Okay."

**He's so trusting of the voices that type in bold print, isn't he? He **_**will**_** come to regret that.**

H H H H

Sylar was playing "anti-Scrabble" against himself, when he remembered that there was another person with grievances against him that he hadn't phone tagged yet. The sound of a thousand clocks ticking could be heard as that all-too-familiar psychotic smirk spread across the psychopath's face…

"What is that mysterious ticking noise?"

**You've never noticed that before?**

"No, I have not."

**Well, it's been there since...the beginning of the show! You didn't stick a crayon in your ear when you were in preschool, did you?**

"Not that I recall..."

**Well, anyway, we need to move the story along! Cue the capital H's!**

H H H H

Maya was doing nothing worth specifying when a brightly colored box fell on top of her head and began to play music:

_'Cause every time we touch_

_I get this feeling_

_And every time we kiss_

I swear I could fly

Maya just stared at it. Common sense told her not to open it, but, for reasons unknown, she opened the box and found what everybody else who received a box from Sylar found: a cellphone.

She was about to answer it, when Mohinder walked in. Maya looked up at him, and he looked at the cellphone in her hand.

"One second," said Maya, holding up a finger. "I have to answer my phone."

"_NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!_" Mohinder snatched the phone out of Maya's hand, and threw it out the inexplicably open window.

**Wait, that window's **_**still**_** open?**

"Apparently," said Mohinder.

"Apparently, what?" asked Maya.

"Apparently the window's still inexplicably open."

"Oh," said Maya. There was a brief moment of silence, then, "What was that about?!"

"What was what about?"

"You ripped the phone out of my hands, right as I was about to answer it!"

"Oh. You didn't want that call."

"Why?"

"Sylar's been prank-calling everybody lately. You, me, Peter Petrelli, and I just heard from Bob that Noah Bennet escaped when Elle came to tell him about Sylar prank calling him."

"Oh. Why is he prank-calling everybody?"

"I have no idea."

"Oh. What are we going to do about it?"

"I'm not sure."

"Oh. You wanna go get some pizza?"

"Sure." They both headed for the door.

**Wait! Nobody move! I dropped my brain!**

H H H H

Meanwhile, at Primatech Research in Hartsdale, New York, Peter Petrelli had just finished telling Bob about the ninjas.

"I can see how ninja might be a problem for us, but I doubt they're taking their orders from Sylar."

"Why?"

"Sylar prefers to work alone. So unless he's stolen the ability to clone himself, I doubt Sylar sent those ninja after you."

"Oh. Okay. I suppose that makes sense."

"Of course it makes sense; _I_ said it."

H H H H

Sylar was adding lolcat bumper stickers to his Facebook, when he remembered several more people that needed a call from him…

H H H H

Claire Bennet was humming the Legend of Zelda theme song for no apparent reason, when a brightly colored box fell on her head. Then music started to play from inside.

Link, he come to town

_Come to save the Princess Zelda_

_Ganon took her away_

_Now the children don't play_

_But they will when Link saves the day_

"Cool. It's playing the song I was just humming a few seconds ago. Weird."

Suddenly, Claire looked out of her inexplicably open window. She thought she'd heard someone say something like, "Open the box!", but she couldn't see anybody, so she assumed it was her imagination.

She did, however, open the box. And inside the box she found…a chocolate chip cookie. Just kidding; it was a palantír. Actually, it was the usual: a cellphone.

"Hmm…I wonder why someone threw a cellphone through my window for no apparent reason. I guess I'll answer it, and see who sent it to me."

So she did. "Hello?"

"Hi. Are you interested in a career in dragon training?"

Claire thought about that. _I suppose I do have the necessary skill set. Sure, why not?_

"Okay," she said. "I guess a career in dragon training sounds okay."

There was silence on the other end. Then, "You're supposed to say no! And then I'm supposed to tell you that 'you may want to reconsider that, because there's a dragon on your roof', and then I light your roof on fire!"

"Um…" said Claire.

"Just kidding. PHONE TAG, YOU'RE IT!"

"Interesting…

_Now, Link, fill up your hearts _

_So you can shoot your sword with power!_

_And when you're feeling all down_

_The fairy will come around..._"

--

**Disclaimer: **I don't own: Heroes, Bananaphone, 1776, Everytime We Touch, Pirates of the Carribean, lolcats, Facebook, or the Legend of Zelda. I do own the ninjas, though. And the caps lock.

Note: Replies were written at time of review reception, and are worded accordingly. Also, the author rarely knows what to say in her replies anyway, so please forgive any...rephrasing of what was said in the review due to the author's lack of a good response.

**Review Replies:**

VairyTay: As long as I'm _wonderfully_ insane, that's fine by me. Yeah, I love random ukulele references. Actually, I love random anything references, as you can probably (maybe) tell from this chapter.

curbsidelover23: Thank you. I'm not entirely sure what Catch 22 is, but I'll take that as a compliment.

FunkehHumour: Thanx. There will be plenty more funny images to come. (I hope, I hope)

KaileeA42: Thanks. I'm glad you liked the Chariots of Fire thing. And the Hayleyghoover song. I actually had to use that on my sister recently. She ignored me, but at least I tried. I can't wait for Season 3 either. Yay for Heroes!

TorryLover: I hope I live up to your expectations.

Shakespeare's Lemonade: I'm updating, I'm updating! I'm glad you love it.


	6. Green Peaches

**Disclaimer:** I don't own...Heroes, Paper Towns, If We Were A Movie, Legend of Zelda, Bananaphone, or Pikachu. CFPT, of course, is all mine. Hehehehehehehehe!

Review Replies:

CountryPersonel: Thank you. I've always thought that randomness is good for the soul. I'm updating right now!

Emma Stargaze: I'm glad you're enjoying it! Well, you could argue that the other people (besides the people at CFPT) are too confused by Sylar's behavior to play the game properly. But that could wear off shortly... Did you get your friends to play it with you? Wow. I don't know if I've ever brought joy to anyone, at least, not that they've replied in those exact words.

I'm The Night Writer: I'm glad you (and everybody else who's reviewed) likes my story. As stated above, I'm updating!

Shakespeare's Lemonade: Well, thanks! I know what you mean about not knowing what to say; I usually don't review if I don't have something worthwhile to say. As stated twice above, I'm updating!

The Rockerbabe: If you're still looking for a fic like that, you might check out Shakespeare's Lemonade, she writes some interesting stuff. There's more Zelda-ness to come, trust me. Everyone seems to be saying that my stuff is pure genius. Not that I don't like it; it just seems like high praise for something like this. Thanks for reviewing!

TorryLover: Thanks! And I'm updating!

* * *

**Chapter 6**

Sylar was in a bookstore, buying _Paper Towns_ by John Green,when his cellphone rang.

_If we were a movie_

_You'd be the right guy_

_And I'd be the best friend_

_That you'd fall in love with in the end_

Needless to say, he answered it quickly. "Hello?"

"Yes, is this Peter Petrelli?" said a low, husky voice.

"Um, no."

"Drat! I thought I had him!" The voice on the other end had abruptly become loud and somewhat higher. "You wouldn't happen to be related to him in any way, would you?"

"That seems unlikely."

"Ah, well. 'Bye!"

"'Bye."

H H H H

"Well, the DNA tracking isn't working. We found someone who isn't even related to the guy we're looking for!" said Mr. Phoneson, hanging up his phone.

"What? How is that possible?" said one of the numerous CFPT redshirts that were currently in Mr. Phoneson's office (who, funnily enough, were not wearing red shirts, but were in fact wearing ninja costumes).

"I don't know! Fix it!"

"Yes sir right away sir!" said the workers in unison, the lack of punctuation apparent in their statement.

"And change out of those ninja costumes! We're a respectable business; we don't use highly trained assassins!"

"Yes sir right away sir!"

After the redshirts left, Tag walked over to stand by his window.

"How did I ever get mixed up in all this?"

**You refused to learn to play the ukulele, so this is the only job you could get.**

"Oh, right. What I wouldn't give to be able to go back in time and tell my high-school-aged self to take ukulele lessons. If only time travel was actually possible…"

…**Note to self: keep Hiro away from Mr. Phoneson.**

"Who's Hiro?"

…**Note to self: stop thinking in bold letters that Mr. Phoneson can see.**

"Who _are_ you?!" yelled Mr. Phoneson to his ceiling, just as his second-in-command walked in.

"Who are you talking to, Mr. Phoneson?" asked Bored, looking uncharacteristically concerned.

"The person that talks in the bold letters, _that's_ who!"

"What bold letters?" she asked, confused.

"_Those_ bold letters! They're right _there_!" Tag gestured to the ceiling.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Phoneson, but, I don't see any bold letters."

There was a long silence. Tag looked at her, and the expression on his face was unreadable as he said, "Get out. Now. Please."

Ms. Andcouldcareless backed out of the room cautiously. She closed the door behind her, and as she turned to leave, she heard a paralyzing explosion of sound.

"WHO IS HIRO? UKULELE! ORANGES! WHO ARE YOU? PHONE TAG! YOU'RE IT! BANANAS! MARTH! LINK! HE COME TO TOWN! COME TO SAVE GREEN PEACHES FROM THE ROOSTER! MUST! LEARN! UKULELEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

H H H H

_Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring_

_Bananaphone!_

Peter answered his phone. "What is it, Sylar?"

"Pika?" said a high-pitched voice.

"What?" said Peter.

"Chu?"

"I don't understand. What are you trying to tell me?"

"…………_PIKACHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!_"

"What are you _doing_?"

"PHONE TAG! YOU'RE IT!" yelled Sylar in his normal voice. Then he hung up.

"Ugh. This is getting annoying."

_Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring_

_Bananaphone!_

Peter answered his phone again. "What?!"

"Peter? It's Mohinder."

"Oh. Hi."

"I think I've figured out how to stop Sylar."

"Really?"

**No, not really.**

"What?" said Peter to his ceiling.

**PHONE TAG! YOU'RE IT!**

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

H H H H

Sylar was sitting at home, reading his newly purchased copy of _Paper Towns_ when he realized there was someone watching him.

He looked up to see…about ten people standing in his living room. They were of varying heights and ages, and some of them looked two-dimensional. Some of them were blond, while others had brown hair. They all had two things in common, though; one of which was the fact that they all had pointy ears. The other thing that they all had in common was that they were all wearing more or less the same outfit: a green tunic, brown boots, and a pointy green hat.

Sylar recognized them, of course, but that didn't make it any less weird to have all the incarnations of the Hero of Time in his living room, staring at him.

"Um…hello, Link…s."

The Links said nothing, but Sylar knew they were responding with a similar — though nonverbal — greeting.

**After all, that's how things work in the Legend of Zelda games: Link says nothing, and yet all the other characters act like he just gave them a lengthy monologue, instead of a facial expression.**

"I know," said Sylar to his ceiling.

The Links looked at each other, as though wondering what they were getting themselves into.

"Not to seem rude, but what are you doing in my living room?"

"………………………?"

"Really? I never would've guessed."

"………………………?"

"Of course! The more, the merrier!"

"……!!"


	7. M & M Pizza

**Disclaimer:** **I don't own: Heroes, Legend of Zelda, Love Shack, Hairspray, the Ask A Ninja theme song, or Oklahoma! I do own CFPT and all its affiliates, and Larry's Pizza Palace and all its franchises.**

Review Replies:

The Rockerbabe: You're welcome, and thank you! An Elle tag would seem iminent. Wait no more, the updates are here! Again, you're welcome.

CountryPersonel: I'm glad you think so.

Shakespeare's Lemonade: Thank you! Which game, just out of curiosity? Ninjas in general are just awesome, I had to put some in here. And we do all need a little bit of ridiculous, don't we?

Kyrial Halcoryn: Wow. 70 times? That's a lot. It seems to me like most murderers might have their hobby in murdering itself. Or maybe I'm wrong. I wouldn't know, I'm not a murderer. Thank you!

sailorsw: Thanks!

Mary666: *clears throat* Thank you. That is all.

All-Hail-Lord-Zaang: You should _totally_ buy the Legend of Zelda games. Thanks for reviewing!

VairyTay: I'm not quite sure what to say to that. Thanks anyway.

TorryLover: Thanks, that was fun to write. There's a lot more interaction between me and the characters coming up.

Thanks to everybody who reviewed!

* * *

**Chapter 7**

_Previously on Heroes Phone Tag:_

Sylar looked up to see…ten different Links in his living room.

"What are you doing in my living room?"

"………………………?"

"Of course! The more, the merrier!"

"……!!"

_And now, Heroes continues: _

_The Love Shack is a little old place_

_Where we can get together_

_Love Shack, baby_

Mohinder answered his phone, exasperated. "What do you want, Sylar?"

"………………"

"What?"

"………"

"I'm sorry, I don't understand you."

"…………! ………..!!!!!!!" And the person on the other end hung up.

"Well, that was a bit strange."

H H H H

_Link, he come to town_

_Come to save the Princess Zelda_

Claire set Mr. Muggles down on the couch, and answered her phone.

"Hello?"

"………………………………….?"

"No, I'm afraid I don't know who owns the world's largest collection of Santa memorabilia."

"…………………………………………………"

"Oh. I'm sorry…I guess I'm not that fluent in dots."

"……………………."

"Oh! That explains it! I know nothing about Hylian dots! Could you tell me in English dots, por favor?"

"………………………………….?"

"Oh. Yes, I believe my refrigerator is running."

"…………………………………...!!"

"What?"

"…………! ………..!!!!!!!"

"'Oranges'? I'm…'parsley'?"

H H H H

_You can't stop an avalanche_

_As it races down the hill_

_You can try to stop the seasons, girl_

_But you know you never will_

Noah answered his phone. "What do you want, Sylar?"

"…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………"

"Um…I guess that can be true sometimes, but I don't know why you're calling me about it."

"……………………………………………………………………………………………!!!"

"Yes, yes, I know, it's all Congress's fault. But I still don't know why you're calling me about it."

"…………….! ……………….!" Then the person on the other end hung up.

"What? What was that last part?"

**He said: PHONE TAG! YOU'RE IT!**

"Oh. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!"

H H H H

"Why are you helping me anyway, Links?"

"…………………………………………………….!"

"'Because it's a sidequest in our newest game that hasn't come out yet. We have to play phone tag with all of you until you give us a piece of heart.'" The Links had brought Midna with them, since she's the only character in the games who actually talks with actual, audible…words. Though how Sylar can understand her, I have no clue.

"Oh. Hmm…I'm not exactly sure where to get a piece of heart…"

"…………………………………………………."

"'That's okay, it'll just show up when it's time for you to give it to us.'"

"Right. Oh! I just thought of someone I haven't called yet!"

"Cool!" said Midna. She looked up to the ceiling. "Cue the capital H's so we can find out who it is!"

H H H H

_Well, I am ninja_

_He is ninja_

_She is ninja, too_

_I am ninja_

_We are ninja_

_And I believe that you are ninja, too_

Hiro answered his phone. "Hello?"

""Hello, this is Larry's Pizza Palace; we're calling to confirm your reservation. Party of ten, 8:00?"

"Um…I think you must be mis—"

"PHONE TAG! YOU'RE IT!"

"Sylar! Villain! Bananas!" Hiro hit the redial button on his phone.

"Hello?" said a voice on the other end.

"Sylar! I will stop you, because I am…a hero!"

"I beg your pardon?"

"Wait, who is this?"

"This is Larry's Pizza Palace. Would you care to order a pizza?"

"No, not now! I must stop the villain!"

"Good luck with that. Oh, hang on." There was muffled talking on the other end, which made Hiro think that the Larry's Pizza Palace employee was holding his hand over the phone.

"Okay, apparently, someone wants to send you a pizza, on them. Is that okay?"

"Oh. Okay."

_Four hours later..._

Hiro's doorbell rang. He stood up to answer it, wondering who it was.

When he opened the door, he saw a short, skinny teenager wearing a red hat that said "Larry's Pizza Palace".

"Here's your complimentary pizza, sir," said the pizza delivery boy.

"My name is Hiro Nakamura, and the fate of the world…is in your hands."

The pizza delivery boy looked down at the pizza in his hands. "The fate of the world rests on a pizza? And a nasty one, at that?"

"No, not really. I just like saying that."

"Oh. Well, anyway, here's your pizza." The delivery boy left.

Hiro went back inside, and opened the pizza box. Inside was a very unappetizing-looking pizza, with M & Ms on it that spelled out the words, "PHONE TAG! YOU"RE IT!".

Hiro gasped. "What kind of villain puts M & Ms on pizza?! This shall not go unpunished!" Hiro shouted, shaking his fist and waking up his BFF, Ando, who was sleeping on his couch.

H H H H

"_There's a bright golden haze on the meadow / There's a bright golden haze on the meadow,"_ sang Mr. Phoneson as he danced to his office. All the CFPTs watched him curiously.

**What meadow?**

"_The corn is as high as an elephant's eye / And it looks like it's climbing clear up to the sky,"_ he continued as though nothing had happened.

**What corn? I see no corn.**

"_Oh, what a beautiful mornin' / Oh, what a beautiful day / I got a beautiful feeling / Ev'rything's goin' my way."_

**Are you sure about that?**

"_All the cattle are standing like statues / All the cattle are standing like statues," _he sang.

**Um…do you have the ability to see cows that aren't there, or something?**

"_They don't turn their heads as they see me ride by / But a little brown mav'rick is winking her eye."_

**Seriously, I don't see any cows.**

"_Oh, what a beautiful mornin' / Oh, what a beautiful day / I got a beautiful feelin' / Ev'rything's goin' my way."_

**Always an optimist, aren't we?**

"_All the sounds of the earth are like music / All the sounds of the earth are like music,"_ Mr. Phoneson sang, greeting his second-in-command. Ms. Andcouldcareless seemed beyond words.

"_The breeze is so busy it don't miss a tree / And a ol' weepin' willow is laughin' at me."_

**There aren't even any trees around here! What is wrong with you?**

"_Oh, what a beautiful mornin' / Oh, what a beautiful day / I got a beautiful feelin' / Ev'rything's goin' my way / Oh, what a beautiful day!"_

**What is going on with this lunatic?**

Mr. Phoneson had just come back from therapy, where the doctor told him to just ignore the bold letters, and they would go away. So far, it seemed to be working.

**Indeed. I can't get his attention at all.**

That's a good thing, isn't it?

**No, not really. It's not good for the story; if he ignores the bold letters, then he loses a lot of his comedic potential. And since when did the narration of this story get a split personality?**

Just now, I think. And you say he's losing comedic potential, but him singing show tunes is just as funny, if not more so, than his reaction to the bold letters.

**Hey! I'm telling this story!**

Then tell it, already!

**Fine!**

Mr. Phoneson stared up at his ceiling, unable to ignore the bold letters suddenly developing a split personality and arguing with themselves. He calmly crawled under his desk, curled up in the fetal position, and began singing again:

"_Pore Jud is daid, pore Jud Fry is daid / All gather 'round his coffin now and cry / He had a heart of gold, and he wasn't very old / Oh, why did such a fella have to die?_

"_Pore Jud is daid, pore Jud Fry is daid / He's looking oh, so peaceful and serene." _

_**And serene.**_

"_He's all laid out to rest with his hands across his chest / His fingernails have never been so clean."_

**See? We can have him sing show tunes **_**and **_**react to the bold letters, all at the same time!**

Fine. Have it your way.


End file.
